Eye-sex

In all fairness, the only way to impartially preface this narrative is to shamefully highlight that I was indeed, as it were, dancing on a steel, utility-type table at a backpacker’s bar at the time.

I believe this to be irrelevant: utility table or no, ridiculously hot European backpackers or no – Eye-sex really is a common assault in all realms of The Party.

You know the Eye-sex phenomenon I’m talking about, right? There you are, crumping, gettin’ down, minding your own business in your short shorts and then you accidently lock eyes with a random stranger.

I use the verb ‘lock’ in this instance as it really is a sudden trap in time.  You have been ‘locked’ because Mr/Ms Random Stranger already had you firmly in their sights. And then BAM – before you know it: Eye-sex.

There is the whole primal event in this oracular spectacular – seriously fast undressing, flimsy and brief attempt at vague foreplay, hard-hitting grinding and a champagne supernova. 

You break the eye impact and feel dizzy with the speed of the assailant!

But now you are in irrefutably critical danger.  For Eye-sex once – shame on you.  Eye-sex twice – you better hide in the bathroom, girlfriend!